


Reddie- Eddie Doesn’t Know

by mySqueedilyspooch



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Coming of Age, Homophobia, M/M, Teenage AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21854830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mySqueedilyspooch/pseuds/mySqueedilyspooch
Summary: “Connor Bowers laughed, ‘Man, you’re ahead of your time, Tozier, if only you could play video games for a living.’‘I know, I'm a fucking legend. You’re lucky I hang with you Bowers,’ Richie elbowed Connor in the arm and sneered.Bowers pursed his lips to hide a smile, ‘So, uh, I was wondering if you wanted to go hang out around the Barrens? I’d suggest my cousin’s place but, you know how Henry is. I dunno if he’s home or not.’”Connor and Richie’s relationship has always been something that goes unspoken to anyone due to fear of repercussions. They think no one knows, but how can you keep a secret from Eddie Kaspbrak?
Relationships: Connor Bowers/Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 23
Kudos: 193





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In this AU Beverly’s aunt moved to Derry to live with her, and Henry slightly pacified after the Rock Fight. The Losers are around the age of 16/17. I know I have like two unfinished fics going on, but I heard the song Scotty Doesn’t Know by Lustra and got this idea and had to just Write. My girlfriend helped me write this because she writes Richie better than I ever will, hope you enjoy

Summer in Derry always felt like a stagnant, sweaty period where time stood still for Eddie Kaspbrak. Ever since their fateful summer four years ago, summer hasn’t exactly felt real. When you live in such a small town it’s easy to grow bored, and after having lived in Derry for most of his life, he felt stuck. Eddie noted on this as he walked out of the local pharmacy, holding a prescription bag. The streets were surprisingly busy for a Sunday, and he weaved through the crowded sidewalk, whistling to himself whatever song was lingering in his mind. 

Over the hoard of people, he could easily pick out a sound he was too used to hearing, and spotted Richie fucking Tozier hop out of the arcade from across the street. Tozier had that dumb smile plastered on his face.

“Hey Richie!” Eddie called out, attempting to catch his attention.

Richie couldn’t hear him over the noise of daily city life, and Eddie realized that Tozier wasn’t alone. A kid with curly blonde hair walked in stride next to him. Eddie made himself scarce among the crowd so he could size up this stranger without him or Richie noticing. 

Connor Bowers laughed, “Man, you’re ahead of your time, Tozier, if only you could play video games for a living.”

“I know, I'm a fucking legend. You’re lucky I hang with you Bowers,” Richie elbowed Connor in the arm and sneered. 

Bowers pursed his lips to hide a smile, “So, uh, I was wondering if you wanted to go hang out around the Barrens? I’d suggest my cousin’s place but, you know how Henry is. I dunno if he’s home or not.”

“Trust me I know, he almost deflated my friend once.”

“What do you mean deflated?”

“Not important. The Barrens sound good, I don't think we'll have to deal with a lot of unexpected company,” Richie mentally checked off the fact that the rest of the Losers were busy today. Connor smiled.

“Cool, last one there is a rotten egg!” And took off down the street. Eddie stood, watching from a safe distance, with a face of visible confusion.

“Shit man!” With that, Richie took off after Connor. He stumbled over his lanky form, “I'm good with my fingers, not my legs!” Tozier couldn’t go one moment without making an innuendo, and he barked out his dumb joke, breathing heavily and painfully chuckling to himself.

“Clearly!” Connor laughed gleefully as he guided them through the city streets and down the river that lead to the Barrens. Eddie followed stealthily in the background, growing more and more frantically confused. 

_ Who is this kid and why does Richie seem so interested in him? _

Richie finally made it past Connor once they were deep enough in the wooded area and looked back at him, still running forward, laughing maniacally and making mocking hand gestures. Connor slowed to a halt and watched as Tozier tripped over a rock and fall back into the stream. Water engulfed the dazed boy, and he sat up in shin deep water. 

“Shit! I'm wet.”

“That’s what she said,” Connor cackled and offered a hand so Richie could get up. 

Eddie hid, lurking in the foliage of the surrounding forest. Richie grabbed Connor's hand and yanked him down into the water with him. Connor scrambled up and pushed his now wet hair from his face. Richie was doubled over in a laughing fit as he emerged. 

“Oh you absolute dumbass! How did you not see that coming?” Richie eyed him affectionately.

Connor smiled a devious grin, “Oh you’re gonna get it Tozier!” And he tackled him back down into the water. They rough housed for a moment, and Eddie watched carefully, knowing Richie’s wrestling tactics, having done this time and time again with him. In this moment, Eddie had never felt more replaceable in his life. 

Once things calmed down, the two boys crawled to shore and began to wring out their clothes. Richie kept giving Connor sideways glances, but always looked away due to hesitation. 

“You're uh- really nice to look at,” Richie wanted to kick himself in the nuts for being such a dumb fuck.

Connor flushed and smiled, “Thanks,” he rubbed his neck awkwardly, “This isn’t uh, this isn’t weird for you, is it?”

Richie’s expression changed dramatically, “No not at all! I'm just really bad at this. It's like, I really like you, but that’s gay, and I guess that means I'm gay, and you’re so cute and I want my mouth on your mouth and fuck I'm rambling.”

Connor grinned wildly, “No no it’s just- it’s not weird for me either, you know? This kind of thing has always seemed like such a taboo thing, and sure I don’t want other people to know, but...” He trailed off, studying the space between them. They were a breath away from each other, each with relaxed eyes. Connor leaned in and kissed him.

Eddie felt all the blood drain from his face and his breath hitched. Richie froze for a moment, then relaxed into it, trembling from excitement. He thought about what people do in movies, and put his arms around Connor until the two were flush up against each other. Richie pulled away, and took a sharp breath. He was dazed and smiling, scanning Connor’s face, “We like, totally just kissed dude.”

Connor’s cheeks were stained red, “You’re the one who suggested it dumbass.”

Eddie took a step back and accidentally stepped on a twig.

_ Snap _

Connor shot to his feet, suddenly on high alert, and Eddie absconded from the scene. Richie stood up as well and grabbed Connor's shoulder, looking over it to see where the sound was coming from.

“I don't think that was anything, nothing to worry about at least,” and he put his hand in Connor's hair and lead their faces together confidently. Connor pulled away quickly, almost as an immediate reaction. He seemed pretty psyched out.

“Uhh, how about I meet you again tomorrow, does that sound okay?” Richie blinked, disappointed. 

“Uh yeah- tomorrow is.. tomorrow’s fine! There’s this abandoned barn we can meet up at- only if you want to!”

“Yeah that sounds good, see you then Tozier,” Connor smiled and sped off, kicking up water as he ran down the river.

“Yeah see you then,” Richie wadded out into the water to watch him leave, and stood calf deep in the river, grinning to himself. After a moment of tranquility, he sloshed out and began to hum to himself as he began the journey to Bev’s house.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beverly’s eyes widened, “Okay, can’t say I saw this one coming.” She put her cigarette out in an ashtray, “Who else knows..?”
> 
> “Nobody should know other than you, but I bet Stan's on to me, you know how he is,” Richie cupped his hands over his eyes like binoculars and looked at her, “He sees into your soul.”
> 
> Bev snorted and pushed his hands away from his face, “He’s a very inquisitive boy, he always finds out somehow...” She tucked some hair behind her ear, forgetting that it was too short to do so, “Rich, are you gay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already have half of this fic drafted so I’ll be posting chapters very quickly, hope you’re enjoying it! (also for my own personal sanity i am coding bev as a lowkey queer girl because c’mon)

Richie rapped at Bev’s door frantically. After a moment, she opened it, and looked a little surprised to see him. She had a cigarette tucked behind her ear, and from the looks of it, she had just given her hair a fresh shave. Beverly hasn’t let her hair grow past her shoulders since she was 13, and in recent times she’s been rocking a buzzed pixie.

“Oh, hey Trashmouth.”

“Your aunt here? No guess not? Can I come in? Thanks,” and he marched in past her before she could answer any questions. He plopped down onto the couch and bounced on his leg, frazzled.

“Can I help you, or are you only here to torment me?” Bev stood by the door.

“I’ve got a problem, not really a bad thing, kinda good I guess, but I don't know. You're a girl as far as I can tell, maybe you can help me?”

Bev paused and sighed, thinking this is right on brand for him. She closed the front door and grabbed a lighter from a nearby table. She walked over to him and put the cigarette in her mouth, and lit is as she sat down.

“Then consider therapy to be in session, what's troubling you baby boy?” She pinched his cheek affectionately and puffed smoke away from his general direction.

Richie exaggerated a cough, even though the smoke wasn’t anywhere near him, “Fuck you, don't touch my face, wench,” he was sarcastic and wouldn’t stop messing with his hands, “Anyway you know Bower's cousin, the curly haired preppy lookin fucker?”

“Yeah I know his cousin, he catcalled me on my fifteenth birthday. He comes every summer, right?”

“Heh, yeah, well we’ve been hanging out a lot, going to the arcade and such, and-um you know- it's like- um...” he trailed off.

Bev raised an eyebrow, “Is he getting shitty again? You need us to gang up on him, give him the ol’ what for?” She raised her fists and punched Richie’s shoulder gently. Richie flinched.

“He put his mouth on my mouth, alright!” He slapped his legs anxiously, and his glasses fell a bit down his nose, “Then I did it back and I want to do it again I guess.” He pushed up his glasses and avoided eye contact with Bev, “Richie Trashmouth, the great big fag,” he chuckled to himself, “At least I'm not haystack, poor guy's never gonna catch a break, what with his boy band thing. Honestly it's surprising i'm the flamer.”

Beverly’s eyes widened, “Okay, can’t say I saw this one coming.” She put her cigarette out in an ashtray, “Who else knows..?”

“Nobody should know other than you, but I bet Stan's on to me, you know how he is,” Richie cupped his hands over his eyes like binoculars and looked at her, “He sees into your soul.”

Bev snorted and pushed his hands away from his face, “He’s a very inquisitive boy, he always finds out somehow...” She tucked some hair behind her ear, forgetting that it was too short to do so, “Rich, are you gay?” She asked with no hate, just pure curiosity.

Richie sighed and rolled his eyes, “Ah well let's analyze the data.” He pushed up his glasses again and sat up straight, then began to speak in his stupid professor voice that sounded like all his other impressions, “I wanna fuck Connor Bowers, interesting,” he sarcastically rubbed his chin, then pointed at Bev, “and this really isn't doing anything for me. Maybe we could get your aunt in here for more test subjects. Or better yet; Eddie's mom!” 

Bev laughed and shoved him gently, “Be serious, i'm trying to be helpful!”

“Alright fine, sorry, I’m just not exactly thrilled about this.”

“How long have you known this about yourself?”

He leaned back and thought for a moment, “I never really liked girls. Just never an interest of mine outside of friends. I thought I would get it eventually, but then I did and it wasn't a girl,” he pulled at his earlobe and nervously laughed, “It was forever ago, ya know. Just a small crush. But yeah, I couldn't really deny it after that.” 

Beverly nodded thoughtfully, and chose her next words carefully, “Well, don’t worry about it, you know? You can’t help who you like, and I think that everyone who uses gay as insult is an asshole anyways, so they’ve gotta be wrong. I can keep your secret for as long as you need me to, okay?” She put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed lightly, “I got your back man.” 

Richie smiled lightly and shrugged her off.

“Aw shucks, you’ve got me all choked up, love,” he spoke in a cockney accent. 

“Who was the small crush that did it for you? Please say it was your third grade algebra teacher.”

“Mr. Brown does have a perfectly sculpted ass, but he's not my guy,” Richie scratched the back of his neck, “I have way too much trust in you, red. If you say anything I probably won't kill you, but I won't talk to you for at least a week.”

“That sounds about fair.” 

“This is sensitive shit! I mean what am I supposed to do if everyone finds out I had a thing for Eddie. Yeah, that's right, I had a thing for Kaspbrak! Isn't that pitiful???” He looked manic, and Beverly didn’t seem the least bit surprised.

“Yeah, no I figured. It was either him or Stan. That jewish ass will change your life, or so they say.”

“Haha yeah- Stan is like my brother, but even I can admit he has a nice ass. Sexy jewish motherfucker.”

Bev smiled, “In all seriousness Rich, I wont say a word. Cross my heart and hope to die.” She paused, “Eddie ain’t a bad first crush,” and she shoved him lightly with a smug look on her face.

“Eddie was really tough to get over. I kinda just had to realize he could never see me that way. Despite those stupid shorts he used to wear all the time, he's probably straight.”

Bev pursed her lips and shrugged, “I mean you never know. I never thought you’d come out, so now im questioning everyone’s sexuality.”

“We can hope it’s not too many of us. We don't need to add queer to the list of things we get bullied for. Also, if Eddie is a homo then what does that even mean? That I've been hopelessly pining over someone I actually had a chance with for years only to now find someone else? Fuck Bevvy,” he exhaled dramatically.

“Woah woah hey, didn’t mean to mind boggle you, back to the person in question: Connor Bowers. The cousin of a kid who could actually be the devil. You sure you wanna try this out, rookie?”

“It’s called being horny, Beverly dearest, yes, I'm gonna try this out. It's incredibly unlikely to find another gay kid, especially here in buttfuck nowhere. I'm obviously worried about Henry, but I think I trust Connor, he's-“ Richie smiled to himself, “he’s really sweet.”

Beverly beamed, “I’m glad you’re happy Richie.”

“Thanks red.”

She held up a hand for a high five, “Get that dick.”

Richie graciously obliged, “Thank you Bev, and I'll definitely do that.”

They hugged tightly in a way they were both familiar with, like siblings from different worlds.

“I'm really glad I have someone to talk about boys with.”

“Don’t test your luck, kid. Boys have cooties.”

Richie patted her shoulder and let go. He stood up from the couch with a huff. 

“Well, I'm gonna go home now and think about Connor with my dick in my hand. I'm really glad you're here for me. I don't know what I'd do without you.”

“Yeah I know I know, I’m the greatest. Hey, the gang’s still on for movie night, yeah?”

“Oh definitely. I think Mike’s picking the movie this time, sci-fi shit most likely.” He waved his hands and made an ooo sound, “And it’s-“ he spoke dramatically, “based on a true story!” And laughed at his joke.

“Perfect.” She grinned.

“Anyways, see you then,” Richie skipped to the door.

“See you later, you wild animal.” And she watched as he closed the door behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The air was thick with tension, they were truly alone, and Richie felt butterflies. A certain someone’s face came to his mind, but he pushed it away and tried to focus on the here and now. He was here with Connor, this was good. He would finally be able to move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a little longer than it should. This chapter is kinda uneventful but some crucial exposition happens so think of this more as an interlude I guess? I dunno, y’all should like it. It gets a little NSFW so beware, I didn’t write anything graphically but it’s just referred to.

The trek to the abandoned barn was not much of an enjoyable one. It was deep in the woods, where the poison ivy was the apex species and the thorn bushes would always find a way to tear up your ankle. That’s why it was the perfect spot for teenagers to hook up or get high together, no adult would be caught dead around that part of the woods. There were rumors that the barn was haunted, but Richie had enough paranormal trauma for him to be used to it. As he approached the barn, he spotted Connor sitting on an old barrel outside the barn. Richie broke into a jog and leaned a hand against the wall above where Connor sat.

“Fancy seeing you here, you come here often?” Richie made a kissy face of a sort.

Connor choked back a laugh, “How many times did you practice on your way over here?”

“I lost count, it was all for you.”

They smiled at each other, and Connor stood from the barrel and pushed open the barn doors. An almost overwhelming smell of dirt and old wood hit them. Richie coughed and looked around. Rusted tools laid here and there, it looked like Mike’s barn, except bigger with two stories. He came here once before, years ago, with the other Losers. They didn’t like it all that much, it smelled bad and there wasn’t much to do except dig for worms. Eddie wound up finding some used needles and insisted they stay the hell away from there. Richie checked the corner where Eddie found them all that time ago and they were gone, either taken or covered by years of foliage.

“Yo Tozier, you a pussy?”

Richie shot a look over to where Connor stood.

“I ain’t no pussy, son.”

“Then you wanna climb this rickety ass ladder?” Connor patted the ladder that’s he stood next to that lead to the second level. The wood on it was so rotten that there was no way it was safe.

“Just watch this, Bowers,” and he marched over and began to climb. Halfway up, a step gave out and his foot fell through. Richie clung on for dear life and froze.

“I’m good! It’s fine!”

Connor chuckled, and started up the ladder behind him. Richie made it to the top and hoisted himself onto the floor, laying on the ground and catching his breath.

“See? I ain’t no pussy.”

Connor climbed up and stood over him, “Real proud of you.”

“Hey, that was pure skill, I don’t need your sass.”

“If I offer you a hand up, are you going to pull me down again?” Connor raised an eyebrow.

“Aw, but I wouldn’t want to damage that cute face of yours,” Richie smirked.

“We’ll see who has a damaged face by the end of the night, pretty boy,” and Connor offered a hand.

_ Oh. _

Richie allowed himself to be pulled to his feet, and the two stood face to face. The air was thick with tension, they were truly alone, and Richie felt butterflies. A certain someone’s face came to his mind, but he pushed it away and tried to focus on the here and now. He was here with Connor, this was good. He would finally be able to move on.

The two walked over to a hole in the wall that overlooked golden fields. Derry was really gorgeous when you didn’t think about it’s dark history. The scene was quite romantic. Richie’s hands felt clammy, and he clenched his fists

“Don't those hills look like a big ass? And the sun is just falling right between the cheeks,” he panicked and let those words escape his mouth before he could comprehend what he was saying. Connor snorted and looked over at him.

“Hey,” Connor said deeply, then reached over and took Richie’s glasses off delicately, much to the surprise of the wearer. 

“I…” Richie didn’t have anything to say to make him seem less like a nervous mess in this moment. Connor studied Richie’s face intently.

“What?” Richie pried, he wanted him to say something, anything to break the tension.

“Did anyone see you head over here?”

“No I don’t think so, hope not.”

Connor nodded, as if nothing else mattered besides that fact, then slowly closed the gap between them, pressing their lips together. Richie could feel his heart throbbing in his throat, among other things. Connor kissed him roughly, with purpose, and Richie melted under the sensation. He wrapped his arms around Connor and followed his lead.

Connor pushed him against the wall and bit Richie’s lip, causing a hiss to escape his lips. Richie squirmed under his tight grip. A knee was brought up against Richie’s groin, and a noise he’s never made before escaped his lips, it was all just so overwhelming.

Connor pulled away and asked quietly, “Get on your knees for me..?”

Richie hesitated, but complied. 

*

*

*

The two boys sat on the ground, both a different kind of breathless. Richie looked over at Connor for anything of an approving validation, but Connor kept his eyes glued forward. Richie then looked down at Connor’s hand that sat at his side. He wanted to take it in his, but didn’t.

“So,” Richie started, “the cinema’s playing some reruns tonight, I was wondering if you wanted to go see-“

“Sorry I can’t,” Connor almost barked out before Richie even could finish his statement. He rose to his feet and buckled his pants, then walked back over to the ladder. Richie adjusted his glasses nervously as Connor began to climb down.

Connor paused before he disappeared down it, “You haven’t told any of your friends about this, have you?”

_ Shit, Bev. _

“No I haven’t.”

“Good, keep it that way, please,” and he started down the ladder again.

“Wait!” Richie yelped.

Connor paused.

“Uh, when are you free? We could go to the arcade again.”

“Tomorrow, same place same time. I really gotta go.”

“Yeah okay, I’ll meet you here tomorrow…”

Connor nodded and hopped down the ladder, then jogged off post haste. Richie reminded himself how the closet was different for everyone, and excused his behavior. There was always tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They drove in silence for a bit, both now overly on edge. Eddie broke the silence.  
> “So what’s new with you?” He wanted to see if Richie would tell him about the boy out of his own volition.  
> Richie spoke quickly, “Absolutely nothing- fuck you.”  
> “Wh-?? So fucking confrontational Jesus Christ...” And Eddie unfortunately noted to himself that Richie would be keeping this information from him. The rest of the ride was silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick warning for recreational cannabis use and homophobia, shit goes off the rails a little this chapter haha. Also, my headcanon that Eddie likes cars comes from the fact that in the book Eddie is a limo driver or something of the sort. Idk, the boy likes cars!

Eddie stood in his bathroom, looking in the mirror, as an assortment of daily vitamins and supplements rested soundly in his hand and a glass of water gripped in the other. The mirror reflected his skinny physique, clearly showcasing how malnourished he has been as of late. Less food and more pills, his mom’s new philosophy. Begrudgingly, he took the pills all at once, swallowing with one big gulp of water. He choked it down, and faced the kid in the mirror. The image of Richie kissing that boy hasn’t left his mind since he caught them days ago.

“Get it together...” he whispered to himself.

From his upstairs bathroom, he could hear the telltale sound of Richie’s dad’s shitty old pickup truck pulling up in front of his house, the horn blaring like a mad man and Richie calling out, “Spaghetti man! Get out here you little shit! EDS!!!”

Eddie shoved his hands in his pockets and sped down the stairs, making a beeline to the door, but was quickly interrupted by his mom, her imposing figure blocking the door.

“Where are you off to in such a rush, sweetheart?”

“Going out with some friends,” he said weakly.

“You’re not seeing that Tozier kid, are you?” The judgement in her voice was unfortunately terrifying.

“Mom I really have to go,” and Eddie tried to worm his way past her.

“You know how I feel about him, sweetie. Kids like that all end up the same, dead in a ditch, crawling with aids,” she tried her best to block him from escaping, but Eddie managed to push past her and quickly hop out the door. Once he was out, he began jogging to the truck.

“Start the car start the car!” He called as the ran across the lawn and scrambled into the passenger seat.

Sonia was yelling from the porch, “It’s a death sentence, Eddie-bear! I wouldn’t be able to live without you!”

Richie instantly started driving off before Eddie could close the door, and Eddie buckled his seat belt hastily.

“What the hell Eds, I was waiting for at least two minutes, that's like three hours in dog years!”

“That doesn’t sound right.”

“Whatever. Also, death sentence? I know she hates me but her calling me a killer is new. Crazy bitch, but damn do I like ‘em feisty,” Richie elbowed Eddie and laughed. 

“Yeah, you know her, always finding new ways to scare the shit out of me. Just to be sure though, you don’t have a knife on you, do you?” Eddie asked jokingly.

Almost on cue, Richie pulled out a retractable, prank knife from his glove compartment with one hand, the other on the wheel, and stabbed eddie with it a couple times. 

“Oh like that?” He waited for a laugh, but was met with a tense glare, and threw it in the back seat when he doesn't get one, “Anyway, where to Eds?”

“Don’t call me Eds. You’re the one who called me to hang, I thought you had a plan.”

“Well we could go into town, I could crush you in street fighter, or we could get ice cream I dunno,” he glanced back at Eddie and noticed how jittery he seemed, more so than usual. “You good?” And Richie patted his shoulder. Eddie jumped.

“Me? Oh yeah yeah, I’m fine. My mom was in one of her moods and it rubbed off on me I guess. Just focus on driving, I’m not really in the mood for a car wreck today.”

Watching Richie drive was a recreation of its own. The way his eyes darted from left to right as he watched the road was a concentration that this kid knew no where else. Eddie loved cars, so seeing how one of the most important people in his life was as enthusiastic about them as he is was a comforting thing to watch. Eddie’s mom would never buy him a car, so he’s been saving his own money for a used baby. He worked in an auto repair shop, and through his job he was able to attend drivers ed. He had a real knack for anything auto related, and his mom was convinced that it would be the thing to kill him, as if he’s made of paper. He kept reminding himself that if Richie could drive than so could he.

“Hey, do you have any more um,” Eddie made a smoking a joking gesture, “I could really use that right now.”

“Oh yeah for sure,” Richie kept his eyes on the road and began to rummage through his glove compartment again, much to Eddie’s horror, “Ah got it,” and he pulled out a pre-rolled joint and a lighter, “Just be careful, don't want Copper Bowers to fuck our shit.”

“Ah jesus Rich, I’m not going to smoke in the car! Let’s go to the clubhouse dumbass.”

“Alright,” Richie almost had to force the implications of him and Eddie alone in the clubhouse together to the back of his mind with a pitchfork, “That'll be good.”

They drove in silence for a bit, both now overly on edge. Eddie broke the silence.

“So what’s new with you?” He wanted to see if Richie would tell him about the boy out of his own volition.

Richie spoke quickly, “Absolutely nothing- fuck you.”

“Wh-?? So fucking confrontational Jesus Christ...” And Eddie unfortunately noted to himself that Richie would be keeping this information from him. The rest of the ride was silent.

Richie pulled over on the side of the road when they edged the forest, and turned the car off so they could walk the rest of the way. Eddie pocketed the joint and lighter and hopped out of the car, then started down the path through the trees.

Richie jogged to catch up with him, the speedy fucker, “Chill Eds, it's not a race!”

Eddie hadn’t realized he was walking that fast and slowed down, “My bad...”

They reached the clubhouse in no time, and Eddie opened the hatch. 

“Ladies first,” Kaspbrak offered.

“Why thank you good sir,” Richie hopped down into the clubhouse, skipping the ladder, and held out his arms, “Jump, I’ll catch you.”

“Oh hell no, I’m not trying to end up with another broken arm, thank you though,” and he climbed down the ladder carefully.

In the past four years, the clubhouse had matured. They managed to smuggle some actual furniture down here, such as a couple plastic chairs and a sofa they found in the junkyard. It’s a home away from, they’re equipped with a cooler, a bookshelf, cubbies for each of the seven of them, and some decor they lazily put on any open surface or hung with a rusty nail with the help of Ben. The floor is littered with empty chip bags and beer cans. Eddie took the cozy chair. He leaned back and sprawled his legs out. He took out the pocketed joint and lit it with ease.

Richie stood kinda awkwardly with his fists in his pants. Since his growth spurt he’s become a lanky son-of-a-bitch, and needs to crouch down so his head doesn’t graze the roof. He kicked around a couple of cans and kept his eyes glued to the floor.

“It's nice to hang out just you and me, y’know?”

Eddie took an overly deep pull and held it, “Yeah real nice,” then exhaled, “Yeah, it's always a good time, I feel like we haven’t hung out as much this summer,” and he passed it to Richie.

Richie took it and brought it to his mouth, then paused, “I miss you, man... a lot,” and took a long drag to stop himself from speaking and saying dumb shit.

Eddie fiddled with his wrist watch, “I miss you too Richie...” He bit back his feelings, and held out his hand for the joint back.

Richie handed it back, and let their fingers linger too long against each other before drawing back. Eddie polished it off quickly.

“Woah, easy buckaroo...” 

Eddie exhaled the smoke, “Oh please, what are you worried about, my fake asthma actually kicking in after sixteen years?”

“You never know,” Richie paced the grounds, then leaned against the ladder.

Eddie dropped the roach and stepped on it to put it out, then leaned back and let it kick in.

“Do you ever feel weird? Like, really weird?” He asked absentmindedly.

“You mean high or just like your desperately trying to hide your feelings that keep trying to claw their way out?” Richie shuffled a little in place.

Eddie stared off into space and blurted out, “Ok let’s go get food I have the munchies,” before he had to face that conversation.

They decided on the local diner, and stupidly drove back into town, laughing about how fucked their eyes look and how dangerous driving while high is.

Eddie sat in the booth and patted his stomach, which was full of pastrami on rye and a side of potato salad. They had just finished their well needed lunch. He rubbed his dry eyes and sat up, then took a sugar packet from the table and ripped it open, then dumped it on the table.

“Hey Rich look, it’s cocaine, haha.”

“Hah, you're dumb,” Richie pressed his finger into the sugar and licked it off.

“Hah, you’re paying if you’re gonna be like that,” Eddie smirked.

“Au contraire, mon frère, you’re the one with a job big shot auto repair job, not me.”

“Fuck you.”

“If you insist.”

Eddie chuckled, and for a split second, glanced to the door right as Henry Bowers and Connor walked into the diner.

“Oh shit...” Eddie sank down into his seat.

“What?” Richie looked behind him, and had a moment of panic jolt through his system. He hid his face behind a menu. Connor spotted them almost immediately, and kept his eyes on the ground. Eddie could recognize that kid anywhere, and he realized the deep shit Richie had gotten himself into. It didn’t take Henry long to spot them either, and he marched over.

“Look what we got, a couple of fags out on a date,” since the rock fight, Henry had pacified, he almost became humble. But he was still an asshole and a bully, just less of a violent one.

Eddie eyed him with bloodshot eyes, “Dude, not now...”

“What? A couple of fairies like you love this kind of attention, huh?”

Richie sat frozen, but his eyes always came back to Connor. Connor acted as if they were strangers. Henry snapped his fingers in front of Richie’s face.

“Hey, I’m talking to you fucking Tozier!”

“Something about fairies?” 

Connor looked Richie over once, then walked away and grabbed a table for him and his cousin. Richie only realized he was staring when Henry grabbed him by the collar and yanked his focus away.

“You checking out my little cousin faggot??”

Richie’s puffy eyes showed no fear, his heart was breaking. Henry took a double take.

“Are you two high?”

“What do you care, are you gonna report us to daddy dearest?” Riche glanced back in Connor's direction hoping to catch his eye, but doesn't, “Suck a fat one, Henry.”

Henry fumed, “You’re dead Tozier.”

“Are you gonna kill him before or after you eat,” Eddie added with snark. 

Nearly defeated, Henry spat in Eddie’s drink and stormed off.

“What a prick,” Richie looked at Eddie’s cup apologetically.

“Don’t worry, it’s just water,” Eddie stared at the cousins, sizing Connor up, “You know that kid, don’t you?”

“Connor Bowers? We play Street Fighter sometimes, yeah,” there was a twinge of panic in Richie’s voice.

“I have to use the bathroom,” Richie added.

“I’ll wait outside,” and the two parted ways.

Eddie stood outside, leaning against a building wall, then after thinking too hard about the possible germs on it, he stood up straight. The diner’s door opened, and Eddie expected to see Tozier.

“Oh hey, sorry,” Connor nearly bumped into Eddie. Eddie said nothing at first.

“Why didn’t you defend him back there?” Eddie confronted him. Connor grew nervous.

“What are you talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Richie decided to join them outside at this moment.

“Woah, what’s going on here..?” Tozier asked.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Eddie finally asked.

“What?”

“About you and him?”

Connor looked about ready to run away. Richie sheepishly looked down.

“I- I don’t-“

“I saw you two in the Barrens,” Eddie finally admitted.

The two boys turned pale. Connor looked at Richie as if he betrayed him.

Richie blushed, “I didn’t know how you’d react-“

“We’re supposed to be best friends Richie, we’re supposed to tell each other things.”

“Why are you so beaten up over this?”

“Because I feel like you replaced me!”

“We’re not married Eddie!! Fuck, what do you want from me?? I’m seeing someone, why can’t you be happy for me? Is it really that horrible if I’m a queer?”

“I don’t give a damn if you’re gay Richie.”

“Wait, you’re gay??” Connor lashed out. His face was beat red and he looked nauseous. His eyes quickly looked back inside the diner and they met his cousin’s for a split second. 

Richie’s anger turned to fear, “Connor please, it’s okay-“

“No! None of this is okay, you can’t go spreading rumors about me like that. I’m not a faggot like you!” And he shoved Richie violently. Richie’s back hit the wall with a thud. Eddie froze.

“Stay away from me you fucking queer!” Connor spat and barged back into the restaurant.

Richie rubbed the back of his head, where the blunt of the impact hit. Eddie reached a hand out, and Richie smacked it away.

“I don’t want to see you for a while Eddie.”

Eddie stood frozen, then swallowed dryly and nodded his head.

Richie walked to his car and drove off.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie nodded and sat back, leaving them both in silence for a moment.
> 
> “Fuck this,” he finally spoke.
> 
> “What?”
> 
> “We can’t avoid each other forever, no matter how much I wish we could. I’m not going to sit here and pretend like nothing happened,” Richie said with a glare. The thing about Richie’s angry expression, it left you feeling empty, like when your parents say that They’re not mad, just disappointed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeehaw finally this is the last chapter! sorry this is super long, a lot needed to happen haha. light nsfw warning ig, same as the third chapter i don’t write anything explicit. hope y’all like the ending!

They didn’t talk to each other for the rest of the summer, up until their friends forced one last movie night, with only two weeks left until school started back up again. Bill was able to convince Eddie, because Eddie didn’t want it to seem too conspicuous. Even after their big fight, he didn’t want to out his best friend. Beverly bribed Richie into going with enticing movie ideas, even though there was no guarantee that a movie of their choice would get picked.

Stan’s house turned out to be the ideal location of the night’s festivities, and it kicked off with a bang. Eddie sat uncomfortably in the far left corner of the couch, watching the night unfold. Ben sat next to him, going on about some television program that he was invested in. Bill, Stan, and Beverly were in the kitchen collecting snacks, and being very loud about it.

“So your d-dad, in order to keep k-kosher, can’t eat a ham and cheese sandwich??” Bill was clearly trying to get on Stan’s nerves, much to the delight of Bev. Stan rolled his eyes.

“I know its dumb, fuck off, he’s the only one who does it, but in turn, the rest of us have to keep the kitchen kosher. So if you make nachos, for the love of God, don’t use this bowl!”

Mike and Richie sat in front of the TV, rummaging through the Uris’s movie collection. They had a pile of madness surrounding them, cassette tape after cassette tape. It was organized chaos, this pile for maybes and that pile for rejects. They rested in a civil debate about whether Terminator or Aliens was the better sci-fi flick.

Ben tapped Eddie’s shoulder, and he realized that he was zoning out.

“You okay Eds? You seem a little off,” Ben noted.

Eddie rubbed his neck, “Ah yeah, I’m okay, just a little tired.”

Bill came into the room with a big glass bowl of popcorn and plopped down next to Ben.

“Well you b-better get un-tired, b-because we’re gonna marathon every Star W-wars movie,” Bill said through a mouthful of popcorn.

“Star Wars? Is that what we’re doing?” Mike spoke as if this was news to him, and he held The Breakfast Club in his hands hopefully.

“Star Wars my ass, we’ve seen those more times than I’ve seen my own dick,” Richie groaned.

Stan chimed in as he and Beverly walked back into the room with more snacks,“Wow, that’s really saying something Rich. Are you sure about that? Do we need to fact check this, because based off the countless crunchy socks that lay around your room—“

“Ah haha Stan, shut the fuck up,” Richie spoke through a clenched jaw, “No, let’s watch the Breakfast Club, good ol’ Molly Ringwald is in it.” He pointed to Bev and raised his eyebrows at Ben.

“Beep beep Richie,” Ben blushed.

“Oh please Rich, you know I’m more of an Ally Sheedy type. The red hair don’t mean shit baby,” Beverly blew Richie a kiss as she sat down next to Bill, shooting a concerned glance to Eddie who sat in silence.

“What are your thoughts on the topic, Eddie ol’ bud?” And she kinda poked at his arm. He snapped out of whatever dissociative state he was in and realized he has no idea what he was just asked.

“Oh yeah, heh,” he said nervously, hoping that answer would suffice.

“Can we at least d-do Star Wars next time?” Bill asked

Mike answered with a smile, “Sure, Bill.”

By the time everyone crowded on the couch, the rest of the Losers could clearly notice the static between Richie and Eddie. The dead giveaway was the fact that they sat on opposite sides of the couch, which wasn’t normal for them. Normally, they sat up each other’s asses, bickering the whole time as each sought some form of physicality in pushes and shoves as they basically cuddled. The room had an uncomfortable silence to it in place of their bickering, and everyone knew that any kind of snarky remark would open a can of worms that the two boys were clearly not ready to discuss.

About halfway through the movie, Bill started to nod off, and found himself asleep on Beverly’s shoulder. She gently shoved him awake.

“Hey, you gotta get un-tired bud.”

He smiled sheepishly, “S-sorry.”

Bev chuckled and sighed, “C’mon Big Bill, let’s get you to bed.”

She helped him to his feet and the two walked off for the night.

“Do you think he stutters in his sleep?” Richie asked, and Stan and Ben answered with a “No” in unison. Richie nodded, and then asked, “Think they’re gonna bone?”

“Totally off topic but I think I’ll turn in for the night too,” and Ben retired as well.

Stan glanced from Richie, to Eddie and then to Mike, who nodded as if they were up to something.

“Mike, I have those books for you in the attic, we can go grab them now if you want,” Uris said casually.

“Yeah let’s do that.”

The two rose from their seats, and Richie chimed in with almost a panicked twinge to his voice, “I’ll come too!”

“No you won’t!” And Stan shot him a look that read _Work your shit out._

Richie was left alone in the living room with Eddie. He fiddled with his shirt buttons and avoided eye contact at all costs, and Eddie sat staring at the television like a deer in headlights. He didn’t like confrontation. Eddie debated on grabbing some popcorn, but decided he didn’t want any after reaching out, and he drew back.

Richie cleared his throat, “You know, they used an older woman in that scene where Bender looks up her skirt.”

Eddie bore a nervous smile, “Hm, comforting, glad adults in the cinema weren’t getting off to underaged minge...”

Richie nodded and sat back, leaving them both in silence for a moment.

“Fuck this,” he finally spoke.

“What?”

“We can’t avoid each other forever, no matter how much I wish we could. I’m not going to sit here and pretend like nothing happened,” Richie said with a glare. The thing about Richie’s angry expression, it left you feeling empty, like when your parents say that _They’re not mad, just disappointed._

“You asked for space, so I was giving it to you,” Eddie shifted a little, “I don’t care about your preference to boys if that wasn’t clear, but I do think that Connor was an asshole, just like his cousin.”

“You drove my one chance at love away! It was good, he was good. What do you have to gain from ruining that for me if not just downright homophobia?” Richie raised his voice.

“Was it really that good? He seemed ashamed at the thought of anyone knowing! He ruined it, not me. I may have sparked the situation, but fuck off if you think I drove away your _one true love_ with hate speech. He shoved you into a building and called you a faggot after I got a little offended that you didn’t tell me about it yet, you deserve better than that!”

Richie hesitated, “Well I really liked him, and so what if he was ashamed? I’m ashamed to be this way! So what if he never liked me as much as I liked him, it kept things simple...” He pulled at his pants nervously, “You really think I deserve better?”

“Yes, fuck Richie, you’re not an object for experimentation, you’re a human person with thoughts and feelings. You have layers. You’re smart and witty and really funny, even if your jokes are terrible. You mean a lot to a lot of people,” Eddie rubbed his neck, “One of which is yours truly.”

“Thanks, Spaghetti Man...” Richie grew a soft smile, “I just want to feel normal. He made me feel like I wasn’t wrong for once. I’m a goddamn queer in Derry, it’s kinda hard to get any action. And once you do, I dunno, it’s kinda hard to let go,” he chuckled halfheartedly.

“Well if it makes you feel any better, I think homosexuality is the new frontier. It’s the 1990s, things will get easier, I think.”

“You’re awfully reassuring.”

Richie playfully punched Eddie’s shoulder, Eddie flinched and rubbed his arm, and that's when the two realized that sometime during their conversation, the large gap between them closed and they sat almost flush up against each other. They turned back to the movie for a moment, then Eddie stood up suddenly.

“Fuck this, wanna ditch?”

Richie raised his eyebrows in surprise, “Fuck yeah,” then began to dig his keys out of his pocket.

“Oh you can put those away,” Eddie started to the door and pulled out car keys of his own. Richie’s face lit up, and he tackled Eddie in the doorway.

“MY BOY GOT A CAR!!!”

“Shhhut the fuck up if you don’t want the others to know we’re leaving!!” And he wormed his way from Tozier’s grasp, then started down the street to where he parked.

“You’re a man now, Eddie Spaghetti.”

“My mom was so pissed, I had to crash at Bill’s place for a couple nights. She’s a beauty though, I’m still trying to come up with a name.”

They landed at a quaint, used car. It was a dark maroon, with a tan stripe across the middle. It looked like it was on its last limb, yet Eddie showed it off with pride.

“She’s a beauty alright. How about naming her Richie Junior? Can’t get better than that,” Richie said as he hopped in the passenger seat.

Eddie started her up and put her in reverse, “In your dreams, Trashmouth.” 

They drove down the street and passed Stanley’s house, where they could clearly see the majority of their friends back in the living room through the window. Stan stared them dead in the eyes as they left, and Richie cackled and flipped him off. Eddie sounded the horn, then sped off and the two hooted and hollered as they made it onto the freeway. 

They both rolled the windows all the way down as Eddie hit the fast lane. Wind poured into the car, and they could barely hear each other’s screams of joy over the violent white noise. Richie stuck his head out of his window and shouted into the nothingness of their summer night. Eddie glanced over to his friend carefully and he looked so beautiful, so full of life as his glasses nearly flew off his face, and he retreated back into the car beaming.

“Woo what a rush!! Hey, eyes on the road Dr. K! Where to next??” Richie yelled over the wind, eyes wild with excitement, and Eddie took the next exit. They drove down a heavily forested road.

“The ironic thing is nights like these, when you feel invincible, is how this is every horror story about teenagers getting in car wrecks starts,” Eddie said with his eyes on the road.

“You’re paranoid, I don’t think we’ll die in a wreck. Murdered in the woods on the other hand, maybe,” Richie admitted as they passed the dense woods.

“Speaking of murdered in the woods, mind if I park?” And he pulled into the clearing at the top of a cliff that outlooked the entire city of Derry, otherwise known as...

“Make out Point? Huh...” Richie looked at their surroundings. They were completely alone.

“Look, I know it’s cliche, but the view here is honest to God amazing. I figured we could stargaze,” and Eddie turned off his car. The soft glow of civilization from Derry down below really gave it a new light, as if it wasn’t built on top of some evil entity. The stars on the other hand were brilliant and dazzling. Eddie leaned forward so he could get a better view of them, and the constellations pooled in his warm eyes. Richie knew he couldn’t fight his feelings anymore, not without a distraction like Connor was. That’s all he ever was; a distraction.

“What order would you prefer: stargaze and then make out or vice versa,” Richie blurted jokingly.

“Richie, I can literally call you gay as an insult and it’ll be true. You have nothing on me.”

“Hey, don’t knock it until you try it.”

Eddie cleared his throat and opened the door, “C’mon, we’ll get a better view if we sit on the hood.”

Clumsily, they climbed onto the car and laid back. It felt as if they could fall into the sky and swim around in eternity.

“Bev showed me this place the other night, we had a moment and confided in each other,” Eddie admitted.

“Yeah, she’s real easy to talk to huh.”

“Like a better mom,” Eddie said, then wondered if what he said made any sense. 

Richie smirked, “Okay Eduardo, I knew you were a mama's boy but damn, I didn’t know you had a fetish like that.” 

“Eat my shorts jackass!”

The two laughed until their breathing settled, and they were swimming in the night’s air, relaxed and comfortable with each other’s presence.

“I…” Eddie started, and Richie turned towards him, “You know, Rich, you are going to meet so many people you like, some of which you’ll date, and they’re not all going to last. And that’s okay, you know? My mom always told me that dating was like shoe shopping, you keep going until you find one that fits.”

They made eye contact, Eddie’s eyes huge with desperation as he tried to make Richie feel any form of consolation.

“Dude, you lost me,” Richie admitted.

Eddie groaned, “Fuck, ignore me, I don’t know what I’m saying anymore, I’m a dumb fuck. You have every right to be pissed that I fucked up your first relationship, even if he was literally the cousin of a guy who tormented us in junior high.”

Richie gave a carefree laugh, “Ah, don't worry about it, he was going to leave anyways. I don’t think he’s ready to live this life yet, he’s probably gonna marry a woman and lead an unhappy life. I just really wanted to be with someone, it never seemed like it could actually happen for me until now.”

“How long were you two a ‘thing’?” Eddie sat up and faced Richie

“Only a month or two, I guess. It’s not like he would ever call it dating, mostly it was just bjs in the abandoned barn.”

“Oh gross, that place is crawling with disease.”

“It wasn’t ideal, he was always very intent on not being seen.”

Eddie nodded, “Do you remember my first girlfriend when we were freshmen?”

Richie lit up, “Oh my god Stacy?? That crazy Christian bitch???”

“Yeah Stacy! I was so heartbroken over her, six months down the drain over a phone call. You would always say that she was probably a lesbo anyways and she didn’t deserve me, you always found a way to cheer me up. Consider this returning the favor,” Eddie shoved Richie lightly, both snickering.

“I appreciate it. It’s to finally talk to you again. I missed you Eds,” he said sheepishly.

“Dude, I was fucking miserable without you. I had to hide away from my mom at _Bill’s. Bill’s house,_ Richie! I love that kid but jesus, I could never live with him. He’s supposed to be seventeen years old and his room smells like the mix of a nursery and a bachelor pad! The amount of tissues in his bed—“ he gagged, Richie wasn’t sure if it was fake or real.

“Bill is one nasty fucker, I always shower a bit longer whenever I leave his house. I cannot imagine how you survived, what with your sensitivity to grossness.”

“Admittedly, I spent that last night in my car. By the time I got home I looked so sleep deprived that my mom just made me a bath and sent me to sleep. I got away scot-free.”

“I hate that you have to do shit like that. I mean, sleeping in your car just to be away from your mom? You deserve so much better.”

Eddie laughed a little, “Heh, look who’s talking,” and his smile faded into something more of a serious stare.

“What’s up?” Richie raised an eyebrow.

“You really deserve better...” Eddie messed with his wristwatch out of habit, “I don’t want you to settle for the next guy that you meet, okay?”

“But what if he’s really cute?” Richie batted his eyelashes at Eddie, but stopped once he caught Eddie giving him a look that he couldn’t read. Regardless, he looked beautiful.

“Thank you for not being weird about this.”

“It’s not weird to begin with, so yanno,” Eddie shrugged lightly.

“Hey, you know what’s funny..?”

“What?”

Richie hesitated, “You were my first crush.”

Eddie’s cosmos began to realign, “Woah, really? Wow... I had no idea.”

“It wasn’t obvious?”

“I mean, now that I think about it...”

“I blame you for making me a fag,” Richie joked, Eddie said nothing.

“How long ago was it..?” Eddie wanted to know.

Richie opened his mouth to answer, but he didn’t have one. It never went away, he never got over Eddie, and he was left staring deeply into Eddie’s eyes, then to his lips, and back to his eyes. Neither of them could move, Eddie was studying how much spaced laid between their faces.

“Is it bad that I really want to kiss you..?” Richie finally asked, and Eddie pulled away, speechless. All the blood drained from Richie’s face, “Shit did I— I just ruined things, didn’t I? Fuck, ignore me, I can’t lose you as a friend.”

Eddie sat in silence, just in complete awe, not able to form sentences that could explain what was going through his mind.

“We can just go— I can go, I can walk, you don’t have to drive me,” and Richie hopped down from the hood. Eddie quickly grabbed his arm before he could make his escape.

“Wait, Richie, don’t go,” they sat in silence for a painful moment more, “Is it bad if I want to as well..?”

Richie gave a look as if he couldn’t believe it, “I- uh... serious?”

Eddie’s eyes grew concentrated, and slowly he brought their lips together. Richie’s breath hitched, and he kissed back one he could realize what was happening. Eddie slid off the car’s hood until he was able to fall into Richie’s grasp. Their bodies stood flush up against each other and they pressed their lips tightly together, exploring each other’s mouths. After a moment of sharing breaths, they fumbled their way into the back seat.

*

*

*

They sat against the leather seats, legs still in a tangled mess, shirts strewn about the interior. Each sat catching their breath, sticky, sweaty, and hair in tangles.

“That just happened,” Eddie finally said, questioning his reality, “That was... intense...”

“Hell yeah it was… That was, what, seven pent up years finally being able to spill,” Richie pushed his hair from his eyes and put his glasses back on. He had a smiley face, and he seemed pleased as punch.

“Yeah, and spill you did, I think you ruined my leather seats,” Eddie laughed breathily.

“Hey, you don’t know how many people have fucked in this car before you bought it. She could be riddled with stranger semen,” it was Richie’s turn to laugh as Eddie scrambled up from where he sat and hastily pulled his pants back up.

“So um,” Richie began again, “You wanna catch a midnight showing at the cinema? I dunno what’s playing but—“

“Yeah, I’d love to,” Eddie smiled, and so did Richie.

They dressed and fixed their hair the best to their abilities, then climbed back into the front seats. Eddie started the car.

“Shit, what about the others?” He asked.

Richie kissed Eddie’s cheek, “Don’t worry about them. There’s always tomorrow.”


End file.
